How do I describe the first exam that just went past? Well, at loss with words, I would simply narrate what happened today and leave it for you to guess our plight (of whosoever it may concern)!
Take 1/ 0955h: Parking Lot... Mr Pandit, the ever smiling security guy greets me with usual cheerfulness and utters words to this effect," Aaj Basement mein hai". Thanx to Naudie who had walked up to my car a few moments before, I knew the exact meaning of what Pandit Ji had been trying to say! Naudie had, while sharing the news about new location of our exams, had also confirmed that there would be desks and benches and not those useless chairs! So far so good. Basement of Era is pretty spacious and admittingly well-kept (not to forget that this is where we tend to let our hair loose whenever we have a musical night/ fresher's night and such like events). As we were descending to the basement, I overheard an optimistic colleague checking whether it was 'cafe' that had been meant when they had said 'basement'! Nothing wrong with being so optimistic but his belief was a bit misplaced- misplaced by some dozen odd steps or 12 feet (one storey, ie).
Take 2/ 1010h: A Few Feet Under.... We are in the basement, discussing some pre-exam doubts and cooling off eachother by confessing/admitting/posing to be as unprepared and unread as our friends! And suddenly, we hear some noise. One major pipe starts to leak and then one smaller one on top of the faculty table gives in. Moments later, one bench was getting wet too. And suddenly, our attention shifted from upcoming exam to the debate whether the main pipe was from one of many toilets upstairs or not. Optimistics (again) like me tried to relate that pipe to the cooling system of the central conditioning, taking off the fact that at least one smaller pipe (red in colour) was fire-extinguisher system's offshoot. Many others on the other end of the spectrum were just waiting for the smell to build up so that they could be proved right! The scene went on for 10 odd minutes as we joked about the option to SINK if we find the paper too tough to SWIM through. Suddenly, some containers (one with the caption,"जल ही जीवन है") appeared on the scene and flow of the water also reduced significantly because of someone's intervention on top (even though someone claimed to know that water would flow only when someone used a loo upstairs!). But honestly, it was a good way to divert some really anxious minds and few drags and pulls (shifting of furniture) later, we were all set to face the first ball!
Take 3/ 1035h: All Geared Up to Take On The Challenge....We are late by a few minutes. But by now, one is used to such delays (what are a few minutes between friends, after all!). Our pens are out (the bat), calculators have been switched on (helmet adjusted), pencil's point has been checked (pads fitted), eraser is already out of the box (gloves pulled tight) and sharpener (the abdomen guard....ha, ha) is ready to get deployed at short notice. We see blank answer sheets being distributed in the first row (the baller has started to run in) and suddenly, there was some commotion! An umpire (read faculty) wants all those without ADMIT CARDS (as significant as a handkerchief, and that too if you are running cold; we say so because of our past experiences and the fact that we were actually handed over some similar cards last time by someone who had simply assumed the appointment of Registrar and had signed on a sheet of paper during those moments of crisis)! OK, lemme put it clearly.... all those who were not in possession of admit cards (duly printed by students themselves), were supposed to move out. Well, this is a story as painful as India's loss to England recently (full whitewash in the tests and one dayers). We had an extended weekend this time. And all of us, without exceptions, had been trying to get that damn card downloaded from our ERP. But how can such an expensive system change itself so easily! (other things apart, about this system, ie) So, we could not download the cards (tried "e" instead of "Chrome" and "Fox whose tail remains on fire" but to no avail). Frustrated and disgusted, many of us simply printed the screen-shots to prove the fact that we had tried! But here we were (by now third umpire had also joined in), being told that screen-prints were not valid because someone's signatures were not visible on such shots. Personally, I had been sending e-mails to many at EBS, telling them that the system had not been behaving over the weekend. And yet, a situation of 'push becoming a shove' was getting created for no rhyme or reason. Why can not they make sure that the white elephant works the way it is supposed to work. And if that is the degree of sensitivity (oh hell, that reminds me of ITDM... and Sensitivity Reports from Excel!), might as well print those cards and handover to eligible students. Life can always be made easier unless .....! So, rather than a bouncer from the bowler, it was an encounter of THIRD KIND that screwed our happiness early in the day. Thanks to the ghazal (Aahista, Aahista by Jagjit) that I had been listening to on my way to EBS, I cooled off soon. Others were not as lucky! One student got the answer sheet good 10 minutes after everyone else! Someone needs to take note of such a sad state of affairs!
Take 4/ 1045h: Opening the Innings With Spin Bowling! We get to begin now and the bowler shoots in! Well, bowler has all the right to bowl whatever he wants to bowl as long as he does not cross the line or throws it too wide. In this case, it was more of 'Doosra" and "Chinaman" than straight and fast bouncers. I hate to play slow deliveries that tend to fool you! Most of us, as it turned out later, did get hassled a lot while playing Ferozeshah Turners but most of us did finally manage to get through the day!
We face a great team tomorrow! And there is no time to waste but without this release, I would have found it difficult to proceed. So, here I am signing off till next INTERRUPTION!
'MAY THE GOOD SENSE PREVAIL'
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